...a PCOS update

Eh. I haven't really blogged about my PCOS lately because I'm kind of weary of blogging about it. I don't know why, it's just a problem I have. But I realize it's probably healthier for me to blog it than to not. So I guess here goes an update on my journey... April is 3rd round of Clomid (fertility med) and my first month on Metformin (used to balance my minor insulin resistance)... this cycle, my doctor did things a little different. Right around ovulation time, she did an ultrasound on my ovaries to look for mature follicles. Good news is there was one very large one on my right ovary. Because of this, she gave me a "trigger shot," which forces the follicle to burst and release the egg like its supposed to. As far as I know, it worked, but last weeks blood test showed my progesterone hormone is still lower than it should be... this doesn't make sense. It should be a lot higher than it was after all these steps we took so I'm a little discouraged and not understanding what is really happening here.

All I really know is that I only have 3 more rounds of Clomid before we have to take a little break. Clomid can be harmful if used for over 6 months in a row without a break, so I hope we can beat the clock. I'm tired... my body is already worn out from the past 3 months. Why can't my hormones just be at peace with each other and behave? This whole thing literally came up out of nowhere... I went from having perfectly healthy cycles to nothing at all. PCOS didn't even exist in my world... and then suddenly it reared its ugly head.

I am thankful for a couple things... one, I don't have a severe insulin resistance, just enough to be on a very low dose of Metformin and have my insurance think I'm diabetic, lol... two, the lowest dose of Clomid seems to work for me.

But of course, part of me struggles with the fact that there are so many unfit mothers and teenage mothers who have babies and just don't deserve them. Drug addicts, alcoholics, abusers, aborters, prostitutes... they're all able to get pregnant easily and then someone like me is really struggling to make it to the finish line. I know God has a plan in all this, but part of me can't help but ask "WHY?" I love my God, and I have no doubt that He will bless us in His time, but I am struggling with why. Maybe I'm not meant to have an answer. All I want is some peace.

I want peace with God's decision.