Home Sweet Home.

I think I'll be perfectly content never stepping foot in Centennial Women's Hospital again. Don't get me wrong. The staff is awesome. But now that 8 weeks of my life has been given to that place... 8 weeks that felt like 8 years... I am content to never go back.

We are finally home with Zoey. On April 18, we finally got to bring her home. None of it seemed real until we were being walked out to our car by the discharge nurse. She is finally ours. After 3.5 weeks in NICU, she is ours.

She is doing well. She still has some issues with feeding. Being a preemie, her suck/swallow coordination is a little off and she forgets to breathe in between sucks, so we have to help her with that and burp her very frequently. The pediatrician says it's a reflux thing she'll grow out of as well. I look forward to her growing out of it.

I'm back to breastfeeding a little more. We figured out why she kept choking... well, we knew it was because I couldn't control my flow, but we found a solution. Pump first, then feed using a nipple shield. Works like a charm. Sometimes I just go ahead and feed without pumping and she's improving. We can't give up the shield yet, but we're getting closer. Sometimes we bottle feed my milk and that is going okay... she had a horrible choking spell in the hospital on April 6 using the Dr. Browns, and we were afraid to try them again, but she's taking them just fine now...

Home life is great. I love having her. She's a good baby! She sleeps good between feedings. She only gets fussy when she can't get a burp out or when she has hiccups, which she does have all the time, but she doesn't fuss the whole time. The dogs have kissed all over her, the cats have been sniffy, but not once have I heard a hiss or growl from any of the furbabies. So far everyone gets along just fine.

I'm glad the hospital nightmare is over. People ask me how I feel about a second child. My feeling is... I want one. But don't expect it for at least 3 years. I don't even want to discuss pregnancy until then. I love my daughter and am so thankful for her after the journey we've been on together. The hospital was a small chapter in my life that I am pleased to end. Motherhood post-hospital is a brand new chapter that I look forward to continuing.

Let's hope the rest of 2010 is much better...

Sweet moment between father and daughter in the hospital

We've been discharged...

I'm no longer a patient in this hospital, but we've been allowed a courtesy stay for tonight. Zoey is progressing but I still won't be able to take her home just yet. I'm going to have a very difficult time leaving her here tomorrow night.

My milk supply is rapidly increasing. Thursday, I started out with 0.5mL of colostrum every other time I'd pump... today (Saturday) I've gotten 23mL of actual milk. Zoey eats 20mL right now, which means she can exclusively have my milk as long as I can keep producing. Today we attempted to actually breastfeed and she latched right on, but she was so sleepy, she didn't really feed. She felt comfort though, she just wanted to nuzzle and cuddle and stay latched on, but she didn't really drink. It was the most amazing feeling in the world. What upset me was that the nurse decided "we shouldn't force the breast on her but she needs to eat so I need to wake her up." She took her from my arms, woke her up, and bottle fed her my milk. Why couldn't we wake her to feed off me? That is why I am here. I didn't understand this... they also told me we can only try the breast once per shift, so I can't try again until tonight, but I at least have 23mL of milk pumped to give her just in case she doesn't want to latch on tonight.
Each day she has progressed big time and they have been able to take her off all breathing help. She is quite lovely... becoming more aware of Glenn and me... she just stares at us and we've been able to comfort her cries with our voices and touch. It's wonderful to be able to do that for her. Last night was the first time I got to hold her and it was wonderful. I've been limited on holding her because she has the feeding tube in her umbilical, which is in a major artery, so they've had to limit contact with her. That is supposed to come out tonight and an IV is going in her hand instead. I should be able to hold her more now.

I hope to have her home for Easter. She is a progressing steadily so I don't see why we couldn't... we just ask that everyone pray for her and that she keeps her strength up. She has lost almost a whole pound and is now down to 5lb 10oz, but they said it's okay because she had a lot of fluid to work out of her little system. As for me... well, I am progressing, too. My feet and ankles are bigger than they were when pregnant because of the c-section so that really sucks. They told me it'd get worse before it got better but I just need to keep trying to move and rest as much as possible.

Here's hoping for a quick recovery for little miss Zoey...

March 24, 2010: Zoey Elizabeth is Born

Zoey Elizabeth Wallace
Centennial Women's Hospital

4:19 p.m., 6lb 6 oz, 19.5" long

At 4:00 p.m. I received my spinal injection for the c-section. It was so easy and much less painful than getting an IV. I was calm as a cucumber, completely relaxed and so ready to meet my baby girl. The hospital took extra precautions due to our situation... I had 2 IV's going, one was on hold for blood in case the vessel from the vasa previa got nicked in the surgery. NICU was in there a well, ready and waiting for Zoey's debut. Surprisingly, the spinal med took a long time to work it's way up my body... they kept tilting the table back to help it move up to my belly. Being tipped back eventually made me nauseated, but a shot of Zofran in my IV took care of that.

I think I did pretty well during the procedure... I talked the whole time and enjoyed the moment. My OB said when she cut into me, that ugly vessel was looking right at her. I got to see this thing and it was definitely an odd-looking placenta! Zoey was born crying and that made me feel so much better. I knew it meant her lungs were somewhat functioning. After crying and gasping for a while, she finally decided she needed some assistance. She was put in NICU and there she stays... for now. Each day she graduates a little bit, progresses enough to where they can take her off something. Her lungs are still a little crackly and her x-rays a bit fuzzy, but she is fighting for her life and determined to get out of there.

Unfortunately, all that magnesium sulfate I was on has affected her and that breaks my heart. She is so sleepy... I hate it for her. But they say she just needs to sleep it off... eventually she'll work it out of her system. As for me... well. I'm also struggling quite a bit... bed rest for 5 weeks and all those meds have made my healing process much slower. I had a couple episodes today where I almost fainted and several nurses had to come in and help. I'm in a lot of pain, even on the Percocet and Motrin. My body is just exhausted from this journey.

In the meantime, the lactation consultants have me pumping to bring in my milk supply. Zoey cannot have anything yet, but they offered to freeze it for me. Pumping is definitely painful... but each time I do it, a little more colostrum (aka Liquid Gold) comes in and they will be able to give her what I produce. It's getting easier to deal with, too. I pump every 3 hours right now. It's worth it knowing I am able to provide for my baby girl what no one else can... what she needs the most right now is extra nutrients and my colostrum has that... every drop counts.

The hardest part for me right now is that I can't hold her. I held her (sorta) after she was born and was placed on my chest, all swaddled... but once she was taken away that was it... no more baby in my arms. That hurts the most. But I know she is in the best care and I finally got to see her tonight. We want to bond with her so badly but it's just not possible right now. We know she is much safer now though... the scary placenta is gone and I can rest assured that Zoey is safe.

Right now, we don't think she looks like either one of us... she is a pretty baby, but where did she come from? Her ultrasound one week ago was right on the money... she was over 6 lbs! She's in newborn size diapers right now but I think she'll be able to wear some preemie stuff we got as well. She is still small, even though she's considered large for a 35 week gestation baby. They aren't used to the babies being that big.

I look forward to her getting over this hump and coming home with me. She is a fighter like me. I am so proud of her :)