I've started ovulating on my own since coming off birth control. Want to talk about mixed feelings? I've got 'em. Now isn't the time to get pregnant again, and I want to cry because my body is now working like a woman's body should and I actually can't even TTC. I just don't get it. Why now? Why am I ovulating now? I've had 2 successfully healthy cycles since coming off the pills... 2 months in a row with 27 day cycles and I know for a fact I ovulated both times. But why?
Could it be that my body is finally starting to realize it's female and is supposed to do this? Could it be a mean trick? After all, last time I came off the pills, I was normal for 6 months before I found out I had PCOS... I just don't know how to think or feel.
In my heart, I feel like I am wasting a good opportunity. In my mind, I know I can't have another baby right now. My husband's job ends on July 29 and while he's getting great severance, I'd rather only have to worry about one kid right now. I'm terrified of pre-term labor again and being stuck in a hospital again with a kid at home. While the vasa previa was a freak thing that shouldn't happen again, it still feels like yesterday...
On February 17, it will be one year since I got admitted to Centennial and put on bedrest for the longest 5.5 weeks of my life.
It's still too soon for another baby... so why do I long for one? This hurts. I wish I could just give my ovulation to a fellow cyster... I can think of so many who wish they were ovulating like I am right now. It breaks my heart...
oh hun! I know you don't really know me, but while yes I would love to be ovulating like you, I am also thrilled to see this post. It proves to me that things can get better. I am sure you are ovulating because you are taking car eof yourself and eating healthy and with your kiddo you are probably very active. hang in there!
ReplyDeleteJust a thought... it sounds like you are expecting more problems in the future and so don't want to "miss an opportunity"... couldn't this just be a gift from God that your body "fixed" itself after having your sweet baby and maybe you won't have any other problems? The Lord is still in control. When it is time for you to have another baby, He will make things happen for you. Just believe! *smile*
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