I keep thinking about my fellow Soul Cysters (SC) who are still trying so hard to get pregnant and it aches my heart. I think of those who have been trying longer than me and those who have had losses. There is a cyster on SC who has had 8 losses... that's right, eight. And one of those was in her 2nd trimester. How does she keep pushing forward after that? Another cyster lost her baby hours after delivery due to unexplained circumstances. She labored for hours, delivered a beautiful healthy baby, and lost is just hours later. How does this kind of thing happen?!
Before you freak out on me for worrying, I'm not stressing myself out. I'm not freaking out, I just have a deep empathy for those who are trying so hard to become mothers and just can't because their stubborn ovaries are on strike. It's one of the worst feelings in the world to be a woman who can't fulfill her womanly duty. We actually want our periods to come, just so we feel somewhat normal. I feel... lucky, blessed, and overwhelmed that I am actually pregnant. It doesn't always feel real to me. Not at all. I see all these cysters who have been trying longer than me and even gone through more treatments, and I feel like it's so unfair. Why should a good woman have to try so hard to get pregnant, but a teenager or prostitute can at the drop of a hat? I don't understand God's plan sometimes, but I just have to trust that He does know what He is doing. I just wish I could say one tiny prayer and BAM, one of my cysters is pregnant. Oh, how I wish... I'd give them ALL babies. Some even twins!
Fellow cysters, I love you all so much. You've encouraged me to keep pushing forward and I hope & pray that I can do the same for you. Please feel free to message me if you ever need to just vent and cry about your battle with infertility. I totally understand where you are coming from and hope I can help. Don't give up hope. God has a baby for us all.
I hope my Appleseed decides to stick and stay put for another 35+ weeks. I hope I can be an official "Triumphant Cyster." I just have to live day-by-day and put everything in God's hands.
September 15 can't come soon enough.....
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these stories are so sad and yet inspiring that some of those ladies keep moving forward. what a loving soul you have, jessi, to be concerned for all your cysters. i know it seems like that's the right way to be, but you and i both know there are plenty of people in this world who only care about themselves. it's always uplifting to see people caring for their fellow man.
ReplyDeleteI love you so much Jessi, and I have so much respect for you. I would say more, but I feel that pretty much covers it all in terms of expression of passion.
ReplyDeleteAww, you made me smile.
ReplyDeleteI so hope that things continue well with your little appleseed. It gives me so much joy to see fellow women of the ALI community succeed. And you are such a caring person, it lifts my heart all the more.
This post made me cry....thanks for caring so much, as you wish the very best for us, I always wish the very best for you too!
ReplyDelete- Melinda
You are really such a beautiful person. I am so happy for you. Hopefully the rest of us cysters will follow suit and be preggers soon! You are going to be a wonderful mom!
ReplyDeleteSoulcyster: jenniek41908
<3 Jennie